


How to Tell if your Boyfriend is the Anti-Christ

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-02-20
Updated: 2009-02-20
Packaged: 2018-09-03 06:00:23
Rating: Teen & Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8700163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: Jensen moves in, and then gets paranoid.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).

**How to Tell if your Boyfriend is the Anti-Christ**

**[And if he is, should you break up with him?]**

 

**Pairing:** J-Squared

**Rating:** PG-13 [if even]

**Disclaimer:** Very much not mine.

**Summary:** Jensen moves in, and then gets paranoid. 

 

_Much credit to Patricia Carlin for writing the very silly, and very awesome little book this is based on. I merely applied her examples to our boys. I wrote this on election night because mindless political commentary apparently gets me in a writing mood._

 

 

Sometimes Jensen thinks Jared suffers from memory loss.

 

There are little things. He found an old, tattered copy of "Finding Yourself" stuffed in one of Jared's boxes and made a joke out of it. He'd asked Jared if he needed a hand to "find" himself. Got a shoe thrown at his head, but he couldn't stop laughing.

 

Then came the morning Jared was flying to Texas, a short trip home, and Jensen caught him leaving the house with nothing but his wallet and phone.

 

"Jay? You forgetting anything?"

 

"Nah, I'm good."

 

No arguing with that, idiosyncrasies are par for the course in their house anyway. Still weird, though. Jared comes rushing back inside a few seconds later.

 

"Jen, why didn't you say something?"

 

"Kind of thought it was obvious, the lack of bagg-"

 

He's silenced when Jared looms large over him, snaps up a quick kiss before darting out again.

 

"Can't believe I almost forgot that!" Jensen hears as the door shuts.

 

All those little clues add up and one night, tired from endless hours on set and missing Jared, he calls Chris.

 

"So, break up with him," his friend drawls.

 

"Seriously?"

 

"You sound pissy and annoyed. What else would I suggest?"

 

"Something useful," Jensen snaps.

 

"It's just forgetfulness, Jenny boy. No big deal."

 

"Yeah, but it's strange."

 

"Strange enough to keep bitching?"

 

"Shut up, Kane."

 

"Gladly," he laughs.

 

When Jared's finally back from finishing a Sam-centric episode, they fall into bed, Jared making _him_ forget the past few days. After, Jensen's half on top of the covers, half on top of Jared, listening to his co-star mumbling.

 

"Don't think I've ever loved someone like this before," he hears.

 

"Come again?"

 

"Hah," Jared snorts tiredly. "Give me an hour, at least. I said, I don't think-"

 

"Whoa, you don't _think_?"

 

He pushes off Jared, flops down beside him. Is on the verge of biting back when he sees Jared's wide smile.

 

"I just can't seem to remember." Jared's voice is dripping with sass.

 

"Jerk."

 

"That's my line."

 

Jared's smug smile accompanies the sarcasm and Jensen whacks him with a pillow. When the assault's over he lets Jared curl up behind him, snoring lightly in his ear a few minutes later.

 

Really, an amnesiac wouldn't be so bad. What's a little memory loss? He'll keep Jared while he can.

 

There are certainly worse things Jared could be.

***

Afternoon television is always shitty but Jensen doesn't have the energy to change the channel. He thinks the crappy movie he's currently stuck on is somehow about twins, but can't follow the plot. Either it's twins, or the dude has way too many wardrobe changes.

 

He falls asleep on the couch, dreams vividly about Jared having a twin brother.

 

Jensen wakes up with his head on Jared's thigh, shifting as he plays their XBox.

 

"Hey," he yawns.

 

"You mutter some adorable things in your sleep. Heard my name a lot."

 

"Don't be flattered."

 

He watches Jared play for a bit, remembers his boyfriend wanting to go out with some of the set guys tonight.

 

"Want me to get ready, Jay?" Pretty sure sweats and one of Jared's t-shirts don't count as bar attire.

 

"For what?"

 

"You said you wanted to meet up with Jack, Kevin, and their girlfriends tonight."

 

"I did?"

 

Jensen flips over, looks up at Jared.

 

"Yeah, y'all talked during lunch today...I was there?"

 

"Aw yeah, sure," he says, doesn't take his eyes off the game. "Let me finish this?"

 

"Sure."

 

He narrows his eyes. The light must be funny in the living room, could have sworn Jared's mole was closer to his nose. And did he get a haircut recently?

 

Jensen curses to himself. No _fuckin' way_. He needs to stop watching made-for-TV movies on too little sleep. Jared does not have an identical twin.

 

"Jen? Jensen!"

 

Jared thwaps him on the arm with the controller.

 

"We gonna get ready?"

 

Nah, definitely not a twin, he thinks as Jared heaves off the couch. Although, it would be pretty damn hot with two...

 

"Jen!"

 

"Shit, coming!"

***

"I've only got a few minutes before I'm back on set, Jenny. Hutton was being a diva and needed a make-up fix," Chris sounds tired. "So what is it this time?"

 

Jensen peers around the corner, eyes Jared playing outside with the dogs.

 

"What if Jared's a _serial killer_?"

 

"I can't fuckin' hear you."

 

"A _serial killer_ , Chris!" Jensen whispers as loudly as he can, as if Jared could hear him thirty feet away and through the patio doors.

 

"Christ, Jenny," Kane groans. "There's only one psycho in that house and it ain't the giant."

 

"I'm serious! Jared nearly _gutted_ my pillow the other night, some of our magazines are cut up...like to make those ransom notes!"

 

Now Chris is laughing so loudly, Jensen has to pull the phone away from his ear.

 

"So what're you gonna do," he asks, still chuckling. "Dump his ass and get in witness protection?"

 

"I was thinking I'd get a few hundred miles away first," Jensen frets. "Call him from an undisclosed location."

 

"An un- _fucking_ -disclosed location?"

 

"Uh huh." His eyes dart to the now empty backyard. Where the fuck did Jared _go_?

 

"Jenny, do me a favor?"

 

"Don't hang up, Chris!"

 

"Shut up and lay off the weed in the afternoon."

 

There's a click and the line is dead.

 

He knew calling Chris would be pointless. Besides, he hadn't smoked _that_ much pot...

***

"God, you're such a slacker, Jay."

 

"Am not."

 

"Are too," Jensen sing-songs. "We have the day off and you've only moved the twenty feet from bed to couch."

 

Jensen wishes he could say childish arguments are rare, but he and Jared are two big kids living together. It happens.

 

"You'd still love me even if I was."

 

"Parts of you," he admits with a smirk.

 

"Like my dimples?"

 

"Those aren't dimples. They're sheet wrinkles."

 

"So romantic," Jared mutters. "Why the hell do I put up with you?"

 

"'Cause I'm an awesome boyfriend."

 

He waits for the witty response but Jared's just looking at him, with suddenly soft eyes, from across the table.

 

"Yeah, you are," is the response, sarcasm absent.

 

"Am not," he says shyly.

 

"Ha! Are too, Jen," Jared mocks his earlier response, smile breaking Jensen's embarrassment.

 

"Slacker."

 

"Tonight?" Jared swipes a take-out container from Jensen's side of the table. "You bet I am."

***

"Jared's public displays of affection are practically misdemeanors."

 

"So?"

 

"So, Chris, I think Jared's a nymphomaniac."

 

"Where'd you get that from?" Chris asks, Jensen hearing the football game playing in the background.

 

"Googled it."

 

"And you think it's a problem?"

 

"I don't even bother getting dressed on the weekends," Jensen says, currently recovering from his most recent romp, ass aching from thrusting into an overly vigorous Jared. "There's no point."

 

"I can't believe you're complaining, you love the fucking."

 

True enough, he knows. Doesn't mean there's not some chafing now and then.

 

"Do you think he's just using you for the sex?" Kane continues when Jensen stays quiet.

 

"No!" He answers quickly, thinking _hell no_ , he knows Jay better than that.

 

"Then quit whining about your own personal sex fiend, and let me watch my game."

 

"But..."

 

"Stop it, Jenny," his friend says sternly. "Stop trying to find something wrong with your boy."

 

"That's not what I'm doing."

 

"You sure?"

 

"Yeah, I was just-"

 

"Being paranoid?" Chris guesses.

 

"No."

 

"Being stupid?"

 

"No," Jensen defends, but it sounds weak.

 

"Whatever," Chris grumbles. "Get off Google and go watch the game before Jay gets after your ass again."

 

This time Jensen doesn't wait for Chris to hang up. He slams his phone shut while the asshole is still laughing.

***

"You're not paranoid, Jen."

 

Jared's voice is low and intimate as he lays alongside Jensen in their bed. He'd listened calmly, with a few snickers, as Jensen confessed his recent thoughts.

 

"But I can't believe you told Kane I was a serial killer," he laughs softly, drawing his fingers up and down Jensen's bare back.

 

"C'mon, I was _high_."

 

"Yeah, and you didn't _share_ ," Jared jokes. "The other stuff didn't sound so bad, though."

 

"Amnesiac?"

 

"My memory sucks, whatever. But twin? Slacker? A nympho?" He punctuates that with a pinch to Jensen's backside. "I kind of like that one."

 

Jensen does too, he'd decided.

 

"Still, man, I'm sorry."

 

"I can think of a few things to call you too, if you want."

 

"Jay..."

 

"Obsessive, but it means I don't lose as much shit as I used to. A workaholic, and the show is fucking _amazing_ because of it."

 

"You can stop anytime," Jensen mutters, tries to bury his face in the pillow but Jared reaches out and prevents the movement, keeps their gazes locked.

 

"Best friend, and I wouldn't give that up for anything. A partner in every way, shape, and form."

 

"God, you're such a sap."

 

Jensen almost chokes it out, voice stuck in his throat.

 

"Thought you were gonna stop labeling me," Jared whispers into his space.

 

"You deserved that one."

 

"Fine, then I won't stop either."

 

He sees Jared's smile before he huffs and turns over, not letting the other man see the grin on his own face.

 

Secretly, Jensen hopes Jared never stops.

 

 

FIN


End file.
